If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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