Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You did what with his pubic hair?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
