so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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