Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
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