no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
