I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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