as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
