it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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