nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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