Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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