Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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