I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
