He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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