Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
