Sponge bath it is.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
