You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
