I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
A+ Viking dick
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There are leaves in my underwear?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
