I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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