I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
