dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
dude. I can hear the air.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
