He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
