This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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