Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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