he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
