I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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