Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
