I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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