I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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