She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
