Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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