the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
