K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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