Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
