did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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