i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
