He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
