hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
