I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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