My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
