bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
