Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize