all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
