conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
