I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
