just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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