i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
