I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i wish my penis had a tongue
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
