lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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