I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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