It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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