remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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