im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
